Here i m with my philosophical post again. Now its 1:24 according to my computer. Very tired. But tinking back, i feel that life is really not a bed of roses. Sometimes when u hope for good things u get bad things, and when u hope for bad things u get even bad things. This world is out to make fun of u. U may b studying all the time in preparation for exams, but in the end u failed and get the lowest in class. Perhaps u din manage to get the main idea? Perhaps u din give what the qn is really asking for? Perhaps the marker is out to get u? Or perhaps u din really study the topic well enough? i don't know...
N ppl who chatted with me will noe my MSN nick is "When u treat someone nice n whole-heartedly u btr dun expect things in return cos u wil oni get disappointment". Y did i write tat? Of course is not for fun. There are ppl whom i really like (not de boy-girl relationship de like). Its quite obvious le rite..? But when i get disappointments from them, there is really noting i can say. Totally speechless. The last ting i wanted to see is this n yet i saw it. When u are really good to someone, they may not know. Tats call 当局者迷,旁观者清. U cant expect them to realise cos u are doin it not bcos u wan them to noe, but its done thru ur heart.
Wat i hope for is tat we can treasure the time together left, which is lyk abt 7 to 8 mths left? But wat i see was not wat i hope for. Perhaps i m too selfish n nvr tink of thier feelings? They have their own friends n to b frank, they need not listen to me or watsoever. Sometimes i feel tat not many ppl can understand how i feel. Not even ppl who have been with me closely for 4 yrs.
These ppl whom i truly lyk may not feel the same as me. Whenever i ask them to go out, are they feeling willingly? Or its just tat they r pai seh to turn me down? I don't know. i really don't know. Have i ever really thought for them? But 1 ting i m very sure of is tat to me, they are more impt than anyone else, even my relatives. But how long more can i sustain the feeling tat they gave me? Not long actually... i tink...
Sometimes i felt very gloomy n had no mood to do other tings except to tink of all the joyous moments we had together. Will it b the last? Now, i dun feel any happiness in me at all. I tink, i can oni count myself suay cos of a series of unfortunate events tat happened to me. May not seem lyk unfortunate to u but to me, its definitely undeniable fact.
When i can spend so much time n effort, love n care on them, i... i... i dunno how to say... jus 1 word. disappointed. No other words can btr describe my feelings. Sometimes i felt lyk giving up but i jus cant do tat... But can they understand? Can they feel lyk wat i feel? Can.., i dunno... Who can really understand how i feel? Who can really noe wat i hope for? Who can really tell me wat to do? God? Maybe? I dunno...
